“She liked a very particular kind of plot: the sort where the pirate kidnaps some virgin damsel, rapes her into loving him, and then dispatches lots of seamen while she polishes his cutlass. Or where the Highland clan leader kidnaps some virginal English Rose, rapes her into loving him, and then kills entire armies of Sassenachs while she stuffs his haggis. Or where the Native American warrior kidnaps a virginal white settler, rapes her into loving him, and then kills a bunch of colonists while she whets his tomahawk. I hated to get Freudian on Linda, but her reading patterns suggested some interesting insights into why she was such a complete bitch.”
Once upon a time there was a girl called Jane True. She was slightly different than other girls her age. Or simply different than any other girl, period. She loved to swim. In fact she had to swim in the ocean every single day, even in winter, no matter how cold the water was – it made her happy. She lived with her father in a small town in rural America and she was very often alone because people thought she was as weird as her mom who appearead one night mysteriously during a storm and then disappeared when Jane was six. One day Jane’s boyfriend, Jason, died in an ocean whirlpool; allegedly he wanted to rescue Jane (he didn’t know she needn’t any rescuing) and drowned instead.
After that sad incident people started blaming Jane for everything and shunning her for good. Then somebody else died in the same place (the whirlpool) and Jane found his body. That’s why a certain vampire investigator called Ryu entered Jane’s life for good. Or for bad. Many other supernatural beings followed his suit. Finally Jane felt accepted and was surrounded but equally weird company; she found out who and what she was. Will she be more happy now?
What I liked:
I wanted to like so many things here and I managed to like just a few. I suppose I expected something different. Ok, let me count the good points of this novel.
At first Jane seemed really a sweet girl, although a bit brainless. A certain sea horse seemed to be a nice idea of a pet – I would love to have one in an aquarium! Anyan, one of male secondary characters, seemed to be a nice doggy. I liked Nell the garden gnome. Certain Nagas weren’t a completely bad idea. Ryu…no, I think I’ve had enough of handsome, cheeky, overly cocky vampires. The book was overall very readable even though its content was rather shallow – it took me just one evening and several hours in the morning to finish it. There were some funny scenes and descriptions (see the quote above). Here, that’s it.
The cover fits the story perfectly: adult – non adult. The girl is naked but she has the face of a porcelain doll and as much personality as a toy.
What I didn’t like:
As you might guess I had huge issues with the main female lead. Really Mount Everest huge. I didn’t expect I would have to change into a mountaineer while reading light prose just for fun.
First our sweet Jane, a woman supposedly approaching thirty years of age, most of the time behaves like a whinny teenager without one single ACTIVE brain cell under her mop of dark hair . Let’s ponder over this: her mom disappeared when she was six. Jane knew there was something strange concerning the whole event, something connected to the ocean, a thunderstorm and water. Now Jane, after some time spent in a college mind you, is working in a bookshop. Believe it or not but she never ever tries to find on her own who her mother was and what might have caused her sudden disappearance. Why didn’t she, for heavens’ sake, think of searching the Internet or perusing/purchasing any dictionary of magical creatures, myths and legends? Not curious enough? Loss of literacy? No computer skills? Too busy being miserable? Too busy shelving all this romantic crap they sell at Read It and Weep (what a name for a book shop ‘rolleye’)? Waiting for a miracle to happen?
Then she repeatedly claims all the people living in her little town hate her. Seriously hate. Unfortunately her credibility is damaged a bit when the reader finds out that in fact she has not only a loving father but also several friends: her two lesbian employers, the owners of Pig Sty, the only local bar, a certain elderly lady…you start wonder: why are you complaining Jane? Just because SOME people hate your guts? Well, that’s life, my dear! It can happen to even the most popular girl or boy everywhere!
Then our sweet Jane engages herself romantically with a vampire she’s just met. Or rather throws herself at him. Her reasons? Well, since the death of her boyfriend, Jason, she’s been so lonely and her bed so cold (translation: Ryu looked good, she wanted to have sex rather badly and there was no better alternative around). Correct me if I am mistaken but an adult woman while dealing with a complete supernatural stranger should have used her brain, not her hormones. Perhaps Jane is transsexual and her brain just goes south in times of crisis. Anyway I think she mixes the notion of the right body mass index with the right personality. Small wonder soon enough she finds out that she might have liked another guy (Anyan) a tad better. Here I hit another snag. A romantic threesome seemed to rise its ugly head very early on. Ryu is a decent guy for a vampire but of course Anyan is not bad either – who to choose? As Jane already went to bed with Ryu I am rather sure she will decide to switch her allegiance in the next installments. I am not curious enough to check whether I am right.
One more such position and I will have to read a scientific paper or solve some maths problems to return to sanity. Seriously.