Here be Dragons

Archive for the ‘Harrison’ Category

Paranormal Romance Review: ‘Dragon Bound’ (Elder Races 01) by Thea Harrison

Synopsis (from Goodreads – almost):

Is anyone stupid enough to steal from a Dragon? Theoretically no but… Half-human and half-wyr, Pia Giovanni spent her life keeping a low profile among the wyrkind and avoiding the continuing conflict between them and their dark Fae enemies. But after being blackmailed by her ex into stealing from the hoard of the last living full-blood wyr dragon, Pia finds herself targeted by one of the most powerful-and passionate-of the Elder races. Oh mercy, mercy me…this book is not what it is supposed to be…

Why I read it at all:

I’ve seen so many positive reviews of this one that even that obnoxious guy on the cover, preening himself on his steroid- inflated biceps, couldn’t put me off. As curious as a cat, that’s me. My bad. Apart from that I admit I love dragons and dragon stories, that’s why I was so tempted. However, being also rather busy, I asked a bunch of friendly house elves to read the book with me and write a review. They agreed under one condition – that I don’t reveal their real names. You know how it is with magical creatures – once you know the name, its owner is your slave…er…I mean a friendly helper…small wonder secrecy and personal info protection are very important to my elves. I graciously allowed them to take whatever nicknames they wanted from fictional literature and pop culture. This is the result of their midnight effort (every elf wrote his or her bit but they kept it short, midnight doesn’t last forever, you know…)

Conan the Barbarian wrote:
Not impressed by the action side of the story. You know I like a good fight like any barbarian or librarian and I can appreciate feisty books which narration is fast and bloody. Well, this wasn’t one of them. If I had wings I would defeat that wyr guy, Dragos, hands down, bend him in two and make him swallow his own tail. What’s more, he also had flabby intellectual muscles of a senile lapdog, and not a great sense of honour either. His machete smile has become blunt and rusty after a while. Seriously, where was his inner dragon hidden all the time? Why he was so poor at cunning and diplomacy? All he could do was slay some nasty little Goblins who are the lousiest warriors in Elvenland ever; As you guessed, I am not persuaded. Give me a George R.R. Martin book any time! By Crome, give me red meat of a fight!

Cinderella the Cleaner wrote:
I am sorry to say Pia just pretends to be a self-sufficient, self-possessed survivor; in reality she is a sham. If you want to learn survival, read my story and follow my example! I think an evil stepmother is always a great addition to a family – she would improve Pia’s character, especially by teaching her how to recognize a real baddie and making her wash her mouth more often – the girl cusses like a sailor!! I am really surprised she is the main female lead here; her turning on, all of a sudden, the “queen of the dragon empire” routine never persuaded my inner royal soul. Perhaps she would be a great shop assistant or a cook but not a queen…! Dragos is also not a proper king – he seemed alternately wooden in speech and mannerisms. Correct me if I am mistaken but when an author writes about a character who is thousands of years old, that person should be wiser, speak more formally and certainly without a lot of inner city slang. And he should have more dignity! Ask Prince Charming!

Gawky Goblin wrote:
I want to protest most vigorously. Goblins are slain here in the most merciless way and quite possibly eaten raw. Cruel and senseless. We are a peaceful race! Does the author realize that small Goblin children might read it!?! Where are the Goblin rights? Where is any sense of justice or those well-rounded, three-dimensional characters who show you life is not as easy as novels with the world painted black and white? To add insult to injury Goblins are also portrayed as ugly, dirty, low-brow brutes who don’t know a thing about plunder and rape. Most outrageous and definitely untrue!!! More power for Goblins!!! Down with dirty dragons! Down with simplistic books!

Blond Barbie the Babe wrote:
I love candies and pink things, the more the better, so the book was ok; I can even say I enjoyed it very much!! Girly girl that’s me!!! The best fragments? Dragos blows up, heroine cries (no, not such a big baddass heroine our Pia is, I agree with Cindy), Dragos does or says something that makes her feel all squishy inside (awwww) and they go…to bed. Pinky pink, pinky pink, I am pretty – I don’t think. Then again Dragos blows up, heroine cries, they kiss and make up…nice, repetitive and easy to read, right? I’d love to make Ken read this novel as well and then force him to improve in some departments, modelling on the descriptions of Dragos physique…see you soon, I have a new pony and a lovely new dress with tons of tulle! Fluffiness is next to godliness, right? If any movie director thought about adapting this novel for cinema, I would be given the role of Pia for sure…blond, shiny, slender, beautiful, empty-headed…hear me giggle and throw hissy fits and you will be sure I am perfect!

Robin Hood for President wrote:
Having lived in an enchanted Sherwood forest among different weirdos, exactly like my hero, I can tell you one thing: Harrison’s world isn’t anything new. The Elder races comprise of the Dark and Light Faye, Elves and Wyr. Wyr is just a fancy name for animal shifters of a wide variety – as a treat they do get a bit exotic with Dragons, Thunderbirds, Gryphons, and Harpies among the bunch but it is not enough to make this world interesting as these are hardly explained. People are quite aware of the supernaturals walking among them, but the history of ‘why’ and ‘when’ is sketchy at best – perhaps left for other installments. Are you as poor as that world building scheme? Don’t spend your money on this book then, it is not worth it, spend your time stealing from the rich. Are you rich? Give me some of your money to redistribute among poor; I promise I will make them buy food, not stupid novels.

Dark Vampire Queen wrote:
In my dark and bloody opinion Pia couldn’t have gone further from a juicy character she pretends to be. Sex scenes? You must be kidding, right? What sex scenes? It was a kind of wild Callanetics and in the end you find out its aim – the procreation of the reptiles. If not for those detailed descriptions of different body parts, indicating what goes where and how it fits, I would think we were reading about a pair of teens training intensely for a local mixed teams rugby match. No subtlety whatsoever. A vampire wants to know why?

The most silly scene? No, not a sex scene, they went beyond silly. It was about the “breakfast fairie incident” (major snort of vampiric proportions). Imagine that one morning a poor innocent domestic elf busts into the master bedroom without knocking (who trained that wretch?) to deliver Dragos’s first meal of the day. She sees him and Pia in bed naked (why isn’t the bed in a separate room? Is it a multi-millionaire luxury penthouse or not? Lack of imagination? Lack of space? Lack of ideas? Zombies ate your mind? All of those above and more?) and Dragos hits the roof about Pia being seen in bed by a little fairie (yes, nothing more opinionated than that) in a less than ideal state. Or any state at all. As if elves never saw naked women. He’s growling at the poor creature who is frightened to death. At that moment our sweet Pia takes over like a good primary school teacher, showing who rules the rooster from now on. She calms little Dragos, apologizes in his name to the little faerie and asks her to knock before coming in next time. You see kids? That’s the way it is done by adults…play nicely, no more quarrels or the cookie jar will be left permanently sealed.

How. Very. Kindergarten. Cheesy…I would say creepy even, as the scene goes right after one of these super strenuous sex moments…who said vampires are kinky?

Byron Is My Hero wrote:
Let’s call a spade a spade – I might be a simple gravedigger but in my books romance consists of beautiful, delicate feelings first and all the nitty-gritty later. Pia doesn’t walk in beauty but she often walks in dirty clothes and her mind is equally unsavoury as her trainers. I would call her ‘Dirty Harriet’ if she only could fire a gun and had a bit more intellect. Dragos doesn’t know a thing about seduction – he is as subtle as a trunk of a tree. I think many readers will simply find the overly detailed erotic scenes as a distraction, rather than an enhancement, to the story. In other words definitely not my tea and not my coffee either. Keep your dirty laundry where it belongs, my mother always said. And you can’t hurry love…

By the way, how could a dragon millions of years old not know what love is? He’s surely loved and lost hundreds of times or he is not as old as he claims. And him calling his girlfriend person “lover” and her calling him “big guy”… (an elegant snort, worth of my black coat) so gross and silly and unreal! Do you know any real person who calls his partner ‘lover’ in public with a straight face? As you can guess I am not buying the romantic aspect, not even one bit of it. See you soon on the cemetery of your choice!

Final verdict (from me but the elves agree):

This must be comfort food for hard core PNR fans who don’t mind reading the same story over and over again as long as it has the right ingredients: wild hot passion, a blond, slender heroine and a muscled alpha male to drool over. Just don’t look too close because that alpha male and his lady are without brains and undoubtedly made of plastics. They could have been mass-produced in China. I won’t be reading any other books in this series, no matter how good reviews I see. Nuh-huh, say my elves in chorus. And they mean it, even Barbie, although she looks petulant. ONE star.

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